Communication: Techniques I've Learned As a Nurse
People are extremely emotional/vulnerable at the hospital, this we all know. Basically what this translates to is heightened responses to EVERYTHING. If you say something to upset someone- you know about it and you’ll know quickly. As a nurse, I’ve learned there are common phrases said in day to day life that are meant to show support and can often do the opposite. Even if it’s meant well, what ultimately matters is if its taken well, especially when it comes to therapeutic communication. My dad always said to me, “Its not about what you meant. Its about how it was perceived”. It took me a long time to understand that message because I always went with the thought of “Well I didn’t mean it that way so too bad so sad”. As I grew up and matured a little, I quickly understood that it IS actually all about how it was perceived. No use in communicating if you’re not doing it effectively. Here’s a few phrases I’ve learned to avoid:
“I know how you feel”
Even if you’ve been through the exact same scenario down to the detail as the person you’re conversing with, the phrase “I know how you feel” essentially takes away the personal turmoil this person is feeling. We are complex individuals with vastly different personality characteristics. We could all go through the same experiences at the same time and not one person would know how another person feels. It’s impossible. This phrase is often meant to create a sense of bonding or relation, but can take away from a very personal feeling.
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
Let me just start by saying, this in no way shape or form counts as an apology for anything hahaha! I’ve seen this used in two ways and let’s start personally. This was one of Jon’s favorite sayings when we met. I’d be mad about something and he’d think I was being dramatic so I’d get hit with the “I’m sorry you feel that way”. The best phrase to swap this one out with is “I’m sorry that I caused you to feel this way”. Even if you still stand by your actions that resulted in someone getting upset, chances are, you didn’t want to or think it would upset them. This response gets the point across without downplaying how someone feels. The second way I’ve seen this happen is at work. This one holds true to any job involving customer service where something goes wrong along the way but you’re the employee that gets hit with the brunt of the frustration, even if you did nothing wrong. The best way to handle this is to again apologize in a sincere way without taking blame. “I’m sorry this has happened to you” does the job without you having to take blame and leaves the person feeling like you truly care- and as a nurse, you do!
“It’ll get better”
This is another one that downplays the feeling experienced in the “now”. It’s especially insidious when you don’t know that it’ll get better, like at the hospital. This phrase is a hard one because it almost always comes from a place of hope, which is beautiful! But a better way to convey hope and support is something along the lines of “I’m here for you and I truly hope everything will be ok”.
Eyes should be at the same level!
Unless you’re trying to take an authoritarian role, always try to match eyes with the person you’re conversing with. Sit it they sit, stand if they stand. Sounds cliche, but subconsciously, I promise this makes everything feel more even. It’s especially important for nurses/patients. We forget that for a majority of patient care, we’re standing over them- which can feel super authoritative in ways we don’t want it to! I’ve seen complete changes in how conversations go if I just sit down, especially hard ones. Pay close attention to the other person’s body language when you do this, I promise you’ll almost see an instant change!
The hospital is like a pressure cooker for emotions so you learn quickly which phrases can set people off and which help you achieve a therapeutic communication strategy. I know none of this is ground breaking or life changing- but I do hope that in some way, it helps!